06 – Givers & takers in relationships. – 2:35

There are typically two types of people in relationships. They are givers and then there are takers. Let me explain. Givers in relationships are always looking for ways to help, support, give and be a benefit to their partners. They give because it is in their nature to be generous, kind, giving or supportive. Takers on the other hand always take stuff, help, support, kind acts and recognition. They take because it is in their nature to do so. Now let’s put a taker in a relationship with a giver. Givers need a taker to give to, so they tend to attract them, and takers need a giver in their relationship so they tend to attract them as well. This is where the problems begin for both in this type of a relationship. Keep in mind that these relationships can work, they just take a lot of work and a lot of patience. The givers give and give and give and give and the takers take and take and take. So, what’s the problem?

Well, after a while, the givers begin to resent the takers for never giving anything back. And the takers also begin to resent the givers for all was giving. Both parties will deal with their personal agendas in different ways, but the outcomes are the same: anger, resentment, feeling taken advantage of, withdrawal and often guilt. Yes, the giver will feel guilt, but for different reasons than the taker. Are you in a relationship with your opposite? Are you the giver or the taker? What can you do to ensure your relationship doesn’t escalate in a negative fashion?

Here are a few pointers. If you are a giver, give to yourself sometimes more than your partner. When you do give, do without an expectation for any type of return, even a thank you. Manage your expectations more honestly. Learn to accept your partner for who they are. Rise above the emotional game playing of who is giving or who is getting more. Learn to handle taking better. Recognize that you are taking partner needs you to give to them. If you are a taker, recognize that sooner or later you’ll begin to resent your giving partner. Learn to be verbally appreciative of the giving your partner does. Try to give once in a while and don’t expect a big brass band when you do. Recognize that your giving partner wants and or needs to be able to give. Try little acts of thoughtfulness or kindness more often. And don’t expect anything from your partner, and when they give it, see it as a real gift of themselves that they are sharing. Givers and takers are not right or wrong, it is just the way they are. They can change if they choose to.