A while back, I read a study that stated that the average couple spends less than 30 minutes a week in one-on-one personal intimate dialogue. If this is anywhere near accurate, it is a sad commentary on the quality of today’s relationships. Keep in mind that this time was quiet time when not having sex, having dinner with the kids, shopping, working, or in the yard or whatever. It was dedicated let’s talk time.

You can’t build a positive nurturing, loving, and lasting relationship on 26 hours of shared time a year. It is even hard to build a real solid and long-lasting friendship in that amount of time. How are you doing? Are you spending more than one hour a week in personal intimate, real, and vulnerable sharing with your significant other? If not, why not?

Here are some of the common reasons why not. You have no time. You are too busy. One or both of you travel too much. You don’t like your partner. It’s not a safe environment to be vulnerable. The other person doesn’t care about your feelings, needs, interests, or concerns. One or both of you don’t listen. There is an ego battle going on. There are too many kids. One or both of you have too many friends. One or both of you have too many outside interests. Work is too demanding for one or both of you. And you are suppressing emotions like anger, resentment, or jealousy.

Are your reasons listed? If so, why not take some time and evaluate them in more detail. If you can’t do it with your significant other, then at least do it alone and come up with your own reasons or causes. Relationships that work have shared understanding, expressed feelings, unconditional acceptance, and a genuine desire for the other person to become all that they can be.

Relationships that tend to not work have any number of psychological games, manipulation, ego control, emotionally immaturity and selfishness. There are couples who spend very little time together and have wonderful relationships. For them, it isn’t the amount of time they have together, but what they put into the time they have together. These relationships are also uncommon. Time is a factor for most of us. We need time to understand, learn, grow, accept, and love. These don’t come easily or quickly.