11 – What is the difference between loving someone and being in love? – 3:18

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#11 What is the difference between loving someone and being in love? – 03:18

There are many types of love, love of your children, pets, home, your parents, friends, a spouse, or your career. Some people love their car and others love to play tennis or golf. Many people love to watch sports on TV. To love to ski is not quite the same as to love your children. So, I ask you again, what is the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? Let’s start with a definition from the dictionary. To love is to cherish, to be kind to, to want to spend time with, to respect, to enjoy, to trust, to want to know better. This list is far too lengthy, and I’m sure you can add many of your own characteristics or qualities. Then there’s to be in love to be smitten, infatuated, enamored, hooked with and head over heels.

I would like to offer you a few thought-provoking questions to consider regarding this topic. What is the real difference between the two? Can you have one without the other? Can you be in love and not love someone, or can you love someone and not be in love with them? Are both necessary for enduring positive relationships? If one of the people in a relationship says that they are no longer in love with their partner, as in a marriage or engagement, but they still love them, is it time to pack it up and find someone new or work to get the in love back or doesn’t it really matter? If you are in a loving relationship with someone and they said to you, “I love you. I adore you, but I am not in love with you anymore.” What are they really saying to you? How would you feel? What would you say? What would you do?

To be in love is to share intimate feelings, hopes and dreams, to feel passion and excitement when the love of your life enters a room, to miss them and their touch, to want to be around them and to know and understand their every feeling hurt, joy, fear and frustration. Yes, there are several similarities when you love something or someone and to be in love with someone. For example, you can want to know and understand the emotions and feelings of your friends and your spouse, but there’s a difference in the depth of this understanding. You can want to spend time at your job because you love it, but you can never be married to it, although I have known a few people who have tried. I was once told by a spouse that she loved and adored me but was no longer in love with me. Did this mean that the intimacy of the relationship was now gone? Did this mean that the relationship was now “heading towards winter,” as Chapman says in his book, The Four Seasons of Marriage?

Let’s face it, the two are both important, but are somewhat different. What I am struggling with is are the differences significant enough to consider changing either your attitudes about these two concepts or changing partners? I’m having trouble defining what it means to be in love with someone, so I have done little research and here is what I have discovered. Everyone is as confused as I am. No one was able to give me a definition of being in love that would satisfy the majority of people who say they are in love with someone. I have researched every book in my relationship library, spent more than a few hours browsing the relationship section of a few bookstores and spent far too much time searching the internet for answers and I am as confused as ever. I’ll leave you with a thought, what is your definition of these two concepts to love and to be in love with?

#12 Communication challenges. – 05:15