22 – Conflict is either positive or negative. – 2:24

Every relationship experiences conflict sooner or later. Some relationships have some form of conflict on a regular basis. Conflict in and of itself is not negative, nor does it have to contribute to relationship stress or the termination of the relationship. The reasons why conflict seems to cause people stress is for one of several of the following reasons. People are stuck in their own opinions, interpretations, or perceptions. People have unrealistic expectations of others. People project their own issues, needs, desires onto the other person. They expect the other person to change. Their attitude is the other person is wrong or needs behavior modification. They’re insecure within themselves. One or both of them has low self-esteem. There is an ego battle going on. Either or both of the parties wants control.

Conflict in relationships is normal due to the following. Different backgrounds and experiences. Different needs, wants and desires. Different opinions, values and beliefs. Different life outlook, whether someone is positive or negative, different personality styles, and a different approach to life. Whether each person is an introvert or an extrovert, positive or negative, an optimist or pessimist. With all of this going on, it is a miracle than anyone ever gets along. One of the keys to relationship success is the ability to manage all of these differences in a positive way, therefore managing how they’re handled. There are five easy steps to better managing conflict.

First, remain neutral when you are in a conflict situation.
Second, resist the tendency to defend your ego’s need to be right.

Third, listen between the lines. What is the other person really saying or feeling?
Fourth, see conflict as a necessary and positive tool for relationship growth.

And fifth, see past the words used and see if you can discover the emotions or feelings that are driving the behavior and words that are being used. Remember that all anger is driven by fear. When your partner expresses anger, you have a choice. You can respond to their anger with

defensiveness, ego, or your own anger, or you can respond to what you believe they may be afraid of at that particular moment. This can take some serious and careful understanding, but if you will use this approach, you will dramatically reduce the conflict in your relationship.