One of the most difficult things for people to do is forgive others for their mistakes, transgressions, or errors in judgment. Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t say what you did was okay or acceptable.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It is releasing its negative hold on your emotions, feelings, or attitudes. The value of forgiveness is for you, not necessarily the other person. For example, let’s say your parents did something to you years ago and you’ve not been able to forgive them for some reason. Let’s also say that they have passed away. How can you forgive them now that they are gone? Isn’t it too late? Yes, it’s too late to tell them you forgive them. They have died, but it’s not too late to send forgiveness to them, thereby releasing the grief, pain, or anxiety that holding on to this lack of forgiveness may be causing you.

Why is it so hard for people to forgive? Do we really need to hold on to any unforgiveness about anything anyone has ever done to us or said to us? When we believe someone needs our forgiveness, we are assuming that they did something to hurt, disappoint us, or cause us pain of some kind. Everyone is just doing the best they can to get through this life with as little stress, heartache and trouble as they can. When someone hurts us or causes us pain, was it because we had too high of an expectation of them? Couldn’t this issue really be our issue and not theirs? One of the greatest causes of disappointment in life is the unrealized expectations of another person’s behavior. Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. It is inevitable. Does this mean then that we will always be needing to forgive everyone all of the time, or would a better approach be to understand that most of these people do not mean to hurt you?

They’re not setting out on their life to give you grief. Keep in mind now we are talking about most people. To see yourself as a victim is to wish your circumstances would continue. The purpose of forgiveness is not to let the other person off the hook or condone their behavior. The true purpose of forgiveness is for your own benefit. By forgiving others their transgressions, you release the emotional hold that a lack of forgiveness can have on the other areas of your life. By releasing your anger, guilt, or pain, you free yourself up to enjoy the positives of life. When you stay stuck in a lack of forgiveness, you doom yourself to a life filled with blame, fear, frustration, anger and resentment. Eventually, these negative emotions will have a significant impact on all the other areas of your life. Who do you need to forgive and why? Remember, forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about who you are and who you are becoming.